God is in control. I'm not.

Sorry I've been MIA for almost 3 months. I've had a secret and wasn't ready to share.  :)  This is a long post, but I promise you won't be disappointed!  I have learned 3 very important things these last few months.

1.God is in control.  I'm not. 
2. God's plan is far greater than any plan I could ever have imagined for myself. 
3. Trust God.

I have spent many moments, if not every moment, since February 20th questioning God.  Questioning his plan for Mike and I.  Wondering why he guided me to a career to help children yet I couldn't create my own.  Wondering what I did wrong.  Wondering why I deserved this.  I would even go so far as to say I was beginning to get really depressed.  But now I know, at least for now, God had different plans for me and I really should trust him.

Let's recap, shall we?  August 27th, I started my second round of clomid.  September 5th I went to the doctor, looked at my follicles, and was informed my follicles were still not ready and this cycle was a failure.  Or was it?  There was something different about this cycle.  I take clomid on days 5-9 of my cycle.  I also monitor my ovulation with Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs).  Well, I had a positive OPK on day 9 of my cycle.  Weird right?  Especially considering a "normal" cycle ovulates around day 14 and a "normal" cycle for me is ovulation around day 21ish.  I called the doctor on this day to move my appointment on the 5th up but I was pretty much dismissed.  I think we all thought there was no way this was accurate.  We were wrong.

September 24th was the due date of the baby we lost in February.  I took the day off because there was no way I wanted to be around people this day.  I just wanted to sit at home, mope, and be sad that I should be holding a baby by now but I would never hold this baby.  Of course, my period hadn't come yet either.  Figures, right?  I had already secretly told myself I was going to take a pregnancy test this morning.  I just wanted to see it flash "not pregnant" in my face so I could go on and mourn the loss of my baby.  Again, I was wrong.

I took a pregnancy test on September 24th.  But it flashed "PREGNANT" immediately!  WHAT?!?!  How could it be?!?!  This cycle was a failure, how did this happen??  I immediately woke Mike up and we were both shocked.  I called the doctor, we scheduled blood work, I started progesterone suppositories, and we waited for an ultrasound. 

October 10th, we went for an ultrasound.  And you know what?  We heard a heartbeat!!!  We never heard our little gummy bear's heartbeat in February, only saw it.  We were already headed in the right direction!

October 16th was a scary but even more exciting day.  I went to work, all was well, then I went to the bathroom and was bleeding.  I was CRUSHED.  I just kept saying over and over "No, this can't be happening, please God, no."  Then once I called the doctor I burst in to a hysterical, sobbing mess.  My boss didn't even want me to leave work and wanted a coworker/friend to drive me.  We finally agreed she would just follow me to hubby's work.  I cried the whole way to the doctor and everyone in the doctor's office just looked at me with pity on their face.

But God laughed.  Remember that plan He has?  The one greater than I could imagine? 

I went in to the ultrasound and the tech hugged me and was quiet.  She immediately found the baby and played the heartbeat.  There it was!  A strong, steady heartbeat!  My baby was still there!!  But wait, what's that in the corner????  The tech is moving the ultrasound around and really pushing it in my cervix to the point it is painful.  She told me to be still and several times asked me to hold my breath.  I started getting a little nervous because I was thinking she found something wrong, like the reason for the bleeding.  Nope. 

There was an extra baby in the corner!!  As soon as I saw it I thought I was mistaken and it was the same one.  But then she played the heartbeat, a DIFFERENT heartbeat.  THERE WERE TWO BABIES IN THERE!!!!  Y'all.  We are having TWINS!!!!!

I just started sobbing hysterically.  Hubby just kept asking questions.  I think he was shocked. :)  The doctor came in and high fived me!  Of course I had already called my grandma and mom crying so they had their bags packed and were about to head up here immediately. 

I called my mom back first.  She had been talking about buying the baby Christmas presents.  She said "What did the doctor say?"  After asking her if she was sitting down, I said "The doctor said you are going to need to buy TWO baby Christmas presents.  She was like ummm... "What do you mean?"  I said, "Mom, I'm having twins!"  She said, "WHAT?!?!?"  I thought she was going to go outside and start screaming.  My in laws pretty much had the same reaction!

Then I called my grandma.  I told her to sit down and told her everything was fine "but we are having twins!"  My grandma started crying hysterically.  I know where I get it from now!!!

Our entire family is extremely excited for us.  We have had 2 ultrasounds since finding out and both times the babies were doing great, strong heartbeats, and growing right on target.  We have a due date of 6/4/13 but will expect the babies some time in May.  I could be holding TWO babies by Mother's day!  My next appointment is Friday but it will just be checking heartbeats.  The big gender reveal ultrasound is scheduled for 1/7/13!!

Any continued thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.  We are over the moon excited but still a little anxious given our history.  I will breathe a sigh of relief when I hit viability.  9 weeks to go until I hit the magical 24 weeks!!  Thanks for the continued love and support!