Changes

Changes.  Lots of them.  More than I ever could imagine.  More than I even want to do.  I never in a million years thought this would be my life. 

19 days ago, my husband died.  He left this world, leaving me alone, with two 5 month old babies.  

I thought coming here to write might make me feel better but I find myself unable to even formulate coherent thoughts to say what I want to say.  So, maybe I'm not ready. 

I have no idea how I'm going to survive this.  I don't know how I am going to take care of myself much less my children.  27 years old and buried my husband. 

Today we looked at headstones.  I should not be picking out a headstone for my husband.  

My poor babies will never know their dad.  They don't have a dad.  Who will be there to teach Michael how to be a man?  Who will teach Madison what kind of man she deserves and walk her down the aisle? 

I'm heartbroken.  I have never felt worse in my life.  I don't know how I am going to move forward.

Newborn photos

Want to see more squishy adorable newborn pictures of my babes??  Check out our amazing photographers pictures:

http://www.littlesproutsphoto.com/blog/2013/5/twins-in-the-studio

Hubby and I make some pretty adorable babies if I do say so myself!!

37 weeks... ANNNNNDDD.......

37 weeks was the key number!  At 2:30 in the morning contractions started and never quit.  By 11am I was checked in to labor and delivery. On to the next morning and at 12:58am on May 9, 2013, I welcomed my sweet girl in to the world at 7lbs 1oz and 20 inches long.

2 hours later.  Yes. TWO HOURS.  No C-section necessary.  I welcomed my handsome little fella in to the world at 2:53am at 6lbs 5oz and 20 3/4 inches long.

I can hardly believe they are here!  After Madison had a short stay in the NICU, a week later we are all home. I'll be back soon to share more details.

36 Weeks

How far along?  36 weeks 

 

I can't believe I'm 36 weeks.  I thought for sure after our preterm labor scare that I would be having April babies.  Surprise!  It's May 1st and it's their birthday month for sure!!

Size of Baby: TheBump says that at 36 weeks the babies are the size of a honeydew!  The average size of baby is 17.2-18.7 inches long and 4.2-5.8 lbs.

 

Although, I bet my little babes are bigger than that by now! :)  I hopefully will find out tomorrow at the MFM.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 15ish lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Just a few items left

Gender: Boy AND Girl!
 
Belly Button In/Out: It is about 3/4 of the way out still. 

Stretch Marks:  Yes.  'nuff said.

Labor Signs: YES!  Found out Monday I am 3 1/2 cm dilated, more than 50% effaced, and at -2 station.  I'm pretty sure I have had some contractions, just not a lot of consistent ones. 

Even better, if babies don't come on their own, their induction is scheduled for May 14th!!

Movement: Yep, love it.

Sleep: in 2-3 hour stretches

Cravings/Aversions: Changes daily it seems.

Symptoms: Belly is growing, extremely uncomfortable, hard to walk around, tail bone and lower back are killing me.

Feeling: Definitely anxious.  I really want to hold both these healthy, breathing, crying babies as soon as possible!

Best Moment this Week: Good check up at the OB and glad to hear we are making progress!

What I Miss: being able to walk normal

What I am Looking Forward To:  Holding two healthy babies in my arms.

Milestones: Making it to 36 weeks!  Also, both babies skin is getting smooth, gums are getting rigid, liver and kidneys are in working order, circulation and immune systems are good to go, getting able to breath on their own!

Baby Milestones: Both babies are head down, although Mr. Man decides to flip transverse some times.

Next Appointment: Tomorrow at the MFM for another BPP.

35 weeks and a day

Y'all.  We made it to 35 weeks.  At this point, there is more than a 50% chance that neither baby will need any NICU time AT ALL.  Holy crap I'm excited!!!

How far along?  35 weeks, 1 day.

Size of Baby: TheBump says that at 35 weeks the babies are the size of a coconut!  The average size of baby is 17.2-18.7 inches long and 4.2-5.8 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Definitely gaining but still less than 10lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Definitely growing out of them but no use in buying more now.

Gender: Boy AND Girl!
 
Belly Button In/Out: In kinda.  It is about 3/4 of the way out still.

Stretch Marks:  More and more for sure! 

Labor Signs: Nothing worth mentioning at this point.

Movement: Definitely movement!  Unless, of course, my MFM is trying to do a biophysical profile.  Because at that time it seems little missy thinks she can just sleep the entire time, 2 weeks in a row!!

Sleep: in 2-3 hour stretches, that's about it, and extremely uncomfortable!

Cravings/Aversions: Changes daily it seems.

Symptoms: Belly is growing, extremely uncomfortable, hard to walk around, tail bone and lower back are killing me.

Feeling: Definitely anxious.  I really want to hold both these healthy, breathing, crying babies as soon as possible!

Best Moment this Week: Good check ups at the OB and MFM this week.

What I Miss: being able to walk normal

What I am Looking Forward To:  Holding two healthy babies in my arms.

Milestones: Making it another week!  Also, both babies hearing is completely developed at this point!

Baby Milestones: Both babies are head down.

Next Appointment: Monday at the OB's office for a NST

34 weeks, 3 days

How far along?  34 weeks, 3 days---- Getting there!

A picture for your viewing pleasure :)

Size of Baby: TheBump says that at 34 weeks the babies are the size of a butternut squash!  The average size of baby is 17.2-18.7 inches long and 4.2-5.8 lbs.

As of last week, baby girl was weighing in at 5.8 lbs and baby boy was weighing in at 5.2 lbs.  Both are above average and growing at about a week ahead continuously!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Around 10lbs.

Maternity Clothes: Definitely growing out of them but no use in buying more now.

Gender: Boy AND Girl!
 
Belly Button In/Out: In kinda.  It is about 3/4 of the way out still.

Stretch Marks:  More and more it seems, although they are centered on the middle of my belly.  Guess this belly has to stretch somehow. 

Labor Signs: Occasional but never consistent.

Movement: Yes!  They type of movement has definitely changed and I feel her less than him.  We had another scary day on Thursday when I was trying to get my Biophysical Profile  (BPP) done at the MFM and neither baby was moving.  Both had good heart rates, good fluid, and were making breathing movements, but were not moving around. After almost 30 min, I got moved to do a NST, and THANK GOODNESS they both started moving.  Apparently babies sleep in utero and my lazy bums were doing just that.  How about you save the sleeping for when you come out children?!

Sleep: in 2-3 hour stretches, if that!

Cravings/Aversions: Eh, I'm getting picky again.  Nothing sounds good, it's hit or miss.

Symptoms: Belly is growing, extremely uncomfortable, hard to walk around, and not feeling too hot!  My pelvic bones feel like they are going to break in a million pieces.

Feeling: Definitely anxious (even more so after the BPP this week!).  Trying to hang on until at least 35 weeks, preferably 36 weeks.  Almost there!

Best Moment this Week: Knowing that both babies are still healthy and doing ok still.

What I Miss: being off bedrest.

What I am Looking Forward To:  Holding two healthy babies in my arms.

Milestones: Making it another week!

Baby Milestones: Both babies are head down.

Next Appointment: Monday at the OB's office for a NST, Thursday at the MFM for another BPP.

Anxiously awaiting my two miracles' arrival.....

Dear Michael and Madison,

This is your mommy.  It’s April 11, 2013, and your daddy and I are so close to meeting you and I can’t stop thinking about it.  We have waited a very, very long time to have you.  For two years we wondered if we would ever have children.   From the moment we found out that God had blessed us with not one, but TWO of you, we have dreamt of meeting you, hearing you say “mommy” and “daddy”, holding you, loving you, and spending our lives taking care of you both.  In a few short weeks (or could even be days!) we will finally get to hold you in our arms.  We want you to know how much we already love you and how excited we are to meeting you both.  We have so many friends and family members that are just as excited for your arrival.  We have been blessed with an overwhelming amount of love and support in anticipation of your arrival.  

You two scared me two weeks ago when I thought you were coming early at 31 weeks.  I was scared something would happen to you, that you would come out and be sick, and scared because I wasn’t prepared for you to come so soon.  In reality, this is the first time you scared me, but I’m sure it won’t be the last.  

I wonder if you will be dare devils, adventurous, and   I would say that makes you like your daddy.  Or maybe you will be more like me- cautious, conservative, and shy.  Or maybe you will be a strong mixture of both your daddy and I.  

I can’t wait to see your daddy hold you.  I’ve watched him hold our friend’s children and your cousins and can’t help but be in awe.  I’m so glad that I will have him by my side as we raise you.  I knew when I married him that he would make the best dad some day.  I’m so thankful he will have that opportunity now.  He will make you laugh like no one else and go out of his way to make sure you aren’t hurt or sad. 

I want the world for you and will do everything in my power to make sure you have it.  I hope you will always strive to be your best but will know it is ok to fail sometimes.  I hope you will always live your life with God in your heart and as your savior.  I hope you will work hard in school, make good grades, and strive for high achievements in your life.  I hope you will always trust your dad and I and will always come to us when something is wrong, you did something wrong, when you are scared, or when you are feeling down, or just when you need to talk.  I hope you always love each other, are always there for each other, and never turn your backs on each other.  

All of that to say I know one thing is for sure.  We will always love you more than life itself; will always big your #1 fan, and will always be your biggest supporter. 

I love you so much already Michael Kaden and Madison Grace and I already know that your birth day is going to be the best day of my entire life and I CANNOT wait to meet you both!