Church after a Loss

Since I started attending church with Mike in 2006, I have always thought that I have gotten stronger and stronger in my faith.  The past year, while struggling to get pregnant, I continued to have so much faith in God and continued to develop my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I have always been in the "everything happens for a reason" camp and that has always been comforting to me.

Until now.

I don't understand why this happened.  I don't understand why after 12 months of trying to have a baby mine was taken from me.  None of this makes sense.  It makes you question your faith.  It makes me really angry with God.  I know that is not the right response for all of these feelings but I'm struggling.  We went to church today for the first time since our loss.  It was tough.  Real tough.  It was hard to worship because it was almost like I feel betrayed.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just rambling.  It's hard to put all of my thoughts together or make sense of them still.

Tomorrow I go back to work.  I go back to work where pretty much no one knows what happened.  Where I have to put a smile on my face and pretend like nothing horrific happened this week.  Where I am supposed to move on with my life and be productive at work.  I have no idea how I am going to get through this week. :-(