Death

This is sort of a sad post, so don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I have gotten to that point in my life that death is inevitable. It seems like everyone is getting married and in turn a lot of people are dying. When I was a kid I could be sheltered from death, dying, and funerals, and now they are inevitable. The year is not even over yet and I have had to deal with more death than I would like.

March 17, 2009: I lost my wonderful Pawpaw Art.
He was one of the most important people in my life. He was everything to me. He was one of my biggest fans. He pushed me, encouraged me, supported me, and guided me in so many ways of my life. And even though, I have felt like I have disappointed myself in ways in the past, not once have I ever felt like I disappointed him. He really was an absolutely AMAZING grandpa and I miss him every.single.day. I would give anything to have him still with me here today.

April 20, 2009; I lost my dear friend, Ashleigh Baier
Ashleigh was an amazing person. She was only 24 years old and should not have lost her life. I was so shocked when I heard the news. I had just seen her a month prior at my wedding shower and talked to her just a few days prior. This happened so close to losing my grandpa, I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral and now I just kick myself. She was my friend and deserved for me to be there to say my goodbyes and I didn't go. Now, every so often on Facebook, it painfully reminds me that I should "reconnect with Ashleigh on facebook" and I just want to scream and say I can't because she isn't here anymore...

Today, November 5, 2009, my grandmother's brother, Thomas is on life support. He had three simultaneous heart attacks and lost too much oxygen to his brain and now the machines are doing all the work for him. The doctor's gave him 24-48 hours on life support left and if there are no changes, the plug will be pulled.

Then, just a matter of hours later, also today, November 5, 2009, I also found out my dad's dad, his brother Harold, passed away last night.

All of this, all this year. I can't take anymore. I just want to crawl in a cave, with the people that I love dearly, and live happily ever after in the secluded fantasy world that I lived in as a child when life was all puppies and rainbows.

I don't want to be a grown up anymore.